I know there are women out there who love being pregnant. They find it a generative, fecund, creative, feminine, beautiful experience.
I am not one of those women.
In my humble opinion, pregnancy bites. Even an easy pregnancy like mine bites. The nausea, the heartburn, the nasty taste in your mouth, the chronic impaction, the sciatica, the exhaustion, the bloating, the stretching of every muscle and all the skin between your neck and your thighs, the way your body becomes this foreign entity with a mind all its own that slowly turns you into a pin-headed whale. I don’t know, somehow I’m just not feeling beautiful.
But the worst thing about pregnancy is the books it ruins.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I read A Prayer for Owen Meany. Half a dozen people whom I esteem had raved about it, and I decided to read it even though I generally don’t like contemporary American fiction (I know; ironic, isn’t it, for a contemporary American writing fiction…). Anyhoo, I’m sure Owen Meany is a good book, but I confess I can’t even think about it without feeling nauseated. What a waste.
Right now, for my book club, I’m reading Vanity Fair, a book I’ve wanted to read for years but never worked up the nerve to (it’s 698 pages with not nearly enough white space or a big enough typeface for a woman who wears bifocals), so I figured the accountability of my book club would force me to read it. I’m halfway through, and I can’t think about it without – you guessed it – feeling nauseated. I might finish it, but I doubt I’ll be reading it again, ever. Another waste of a perfectly good book.
So, in the interest of not ruining any more good books, I am hereby soliciting the titles of really bad books that I can read, books that are so bad they deserve to be associated with nausea. Anyone got a good (er, bad) one?
Now would be the time to read The Hunger Games, then. I finished it yesterday and was really disappointed. I know it’s supposed to be a dystopian novel but the complete lack of hope really depressed me. Whatever you do, don’t start the Percy Jackson series right now. I’ll buy you a set after the baby comes. I found that the more I read Hunger Games, the more I “hungered” for Percy and his friends. I buy about 1 or 2 books a year for myself now (I love my library!) but I told Marshall the other night I want a set of Percy books for myself. Time to start looking on ebay.
ohhhh, i have one for you. it is guaranteed to cause you nausea because the the prose are gorgeous (flawless even) and the setting is bewitching, after 150 pages you discover that the characters are trite, at best, and when the final plot twist is enough to make you yack up tea and biscuits for days and days. So, go get the Thirteenth Tale. Additionally, pick up just about any book by James Patterson or Avi — these are also chuck worthy reads.
Apparently, you shouldn’t get me started on books that cause nausea. Sooooo many titles are flashing through my head. Here are a few more which had such potential but failed in the end…
Peony in Love — Lisa See (which is so sad because I generally love her)
The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets — Eva Rice (oh so close)
Over Sea, Under Stone – Susan Cooper
The Last Summer (of you and me) — Anne Brashares
oh, oh, oh – now would be a good time to read the Duty and Desire series… oh. wait. too late. (the bile is coming up my throat as I type)
The Twilight series, and anything by Dan Brown.
You know, I’ve read several books in the last year that sucked me in and stole my life for several days, even as I shook my fist at the author for so cleverly manipulating my time and emotions with less-than-perfect writing. The Thirteenth Tale, while an enjoyable read for me, was something of a fist-shaker, like Jen said. The Forgotten Garden, by Kate Morton. A Darker Domain, by Val McDermid. In the Woods by Tana French. All of these, in my opinion, are good options if you just want to lose yourself in an easy read, with no thought of the consequences. I agree with Matt’s assessment of Twilight and Dan Brown — they’re practically the definition of fist-shakers for me. I hate how easily I can get suckered by Dan Brown and his poor writing.
I wish I had known about this condition when I read some really good books during my own first trimester. I hope I’m not turned off of them forever!