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Itchy Mama

Two weeks ago, the soles of my feet started itching. We’re talking keep-me-up-at-night itchy here. Over the next few days the itching spread all over my body. I itched in places I couldn’t scratch: between my toes, inside my ears. Even my eyeballs itched.

I wanted to scratch off my skin.

I also wanted a decent night’s sleep.

When I went to my doc last Friday, I asked her if there was something I could do about the itching. She gave me a low-dose Benadryl prescription and ordered some blood work. “Just to rule out a liver disorder,” she said.

Being the hypochondriac I am, you’d think the words “liver disorder” would have freaked me out. They didn’t. Well, okay, they did, for about five seconds. But then I remembered that I’ve sailed through 32 weeks of this pregnancy with no complications, despite my most active imagining of the worst, so I told myself this would be more of the same.

It wasn’t. My blood test came back positive. I have a rather rare condition called cholestasis of pregnancy. My liver is unable to effectively process all the pregnancy hormones in my body, so it’s releasing bile acid into my blood. The acid is lodging in my skin (hence the itching). The real concern, though, is that it will cross over into the babies’ placentas and lodge there, causing stress on their little bodies.

As I read about cholestasis, I got totally freaked out. Understandably, I think. Stillbirth is one of the possible outcomes of this condition. And fetal distress. And hemorrhaging. And preterm labor, for which I’m already at higher risk, simply because I’m carrying twins.

My first thought was, let’s do a C-section and get them out of there. But at 32 weeks gestation, the dangers of prematurity are a much higher risk to the babies than the danger posed by my cholestasis. So they’re staying put…for now.

However, since fetal distress can occur very quickly with this condition, I’m being monitored super closely. I have twice weekly non-stress tests in addition to a weekly appointment with the doctor.

And I have to sit down several times a day and do kick counts – literally counting how many times the babies move in 15 minutes – to make sure they’re behaving normally. If they’re not, it’s to the hospital I go.

On top of all this, I got a call yesterday morning from the nurse at the OB clinic. On Tuesday, I’d had to undergo the indignity of collecting all my pee for 24 hours and storing it in an orange jug in the refrigerator. (Doug thought this was so disgusting, he shivered every time he opened the fridge and saw that jug. For some reason, it didn’t really phase me, and I’m usually the germ phobe.) The doc wanted to make sure I didn’t have elevated levels of protein in my urine, an early sign of pregnancy-induced hypertension (PIH).

I have very low blood pressure and none of the risk factors for PIH, so I was (once more) unworried by this test – until the nurse called and said the urine analysis came back with elevated protein levels and the doc wanted to see me stat. (I begin to think that if I’m not worried, I should be. This is a horrible realization for a hypochondriac. It reinforces my tendency to assume the worst.)

I called Doug and started to cry. I haven’t slept well in nearly two weeks (the itching continues, despite two prescriptions and a topical drug), and I’d already been through an emotional zeitgeist this week, and I’d been at the hospital 5 of the past 7 days, and I was really scared. PIH is nothing to mess with.

After dropping my kids off with a friend, I traipsed back to the hospital for the sixth day out of seven and had another non-stress test (which the babies passed with flying colors) and my blood pressure taken every ten minutes for an hour and a half. The doc came in, asked me some questions, looked at my blood pressure readings, and said we should keep an eye on my protein levels (which means I have to repeat that awful 24-hour urine collection) and monitor my blood pressure at each of my non-stress tests, but for now it appears I don’t have PIH. Hallelujah!

***

In the midst of the yo-yo of emotions that Doug and I have been through this week, we have much to be thankful for, and since it’s the first Friday of the month, I thought I’d share some of those things:

991. Friends who watch my children while I’m at the hospital: Cindy had them for seven hours on Tuesday, God bless her.

992. Both babies are head down, so we’ll be able to attempt a vaginal birth and won’t have to have a breech extraction.

993. Princess parking right in front of the hospital when I was at the end of my rope on Wednesday.

994. Cool weather. (I’m probably the only person in Seattle rejoicing that this was the rainiest June on record.)

995. My friend Susan cleaned my house while she watched my kids on Wednesday.

996. My friend Amy came over and made dinner that night.

997. My friend Karen watched my kids yesterday afternoon on two hours notice when I found out I needed to schlep back up to the hospital again.

998. A fabulous homemade lasagne delivered to our door yesterday – the day this week when I most needed it.

999. I don’t have PIH.

1000. The babies are healthy and big for their gestational age, especially for twins.

For many months, I’ve wanted to change the sidebar on this blog to have a “What I’m Reading” widget, but I haven’t bothered to look for one. And since I’m not likely to bother in the next few weeks, I decided I’d just write a post about it.

First, you should know that over half of my reading, I do with my kids. Of course, the books below are not the sum total of what I read to them. My daughter really likes Disney princess books (can I poke out my eyes, please?), which read like they were written by a committee comprised of reps from the legal department and a hack writer on speed.

Doug finally asked, “Can we declare a moratorium on Disney princess books?” So the next day, when I went to the library and found an inch-thick anthology of Disney princess stories on hold for us, I handed it straight back to the circ desk clerk.

Of course, two days later my mother-in-law came for a visit and brought Jane a two-inch thick anthology of Disney princess stories. She was in heaven. I was…not.

Anyhoo, back to the real books we’ve read this month:

CatwingsCatwings (and three sequels!) by Ursula K. LeGuin.

These are wonderful short chapter books – each about 50 pages long with a delightful illustration by S.D. Schindler on almost every page. I long for more such books that combine lovely language with stories complex enough for my six-year-old and simple enough for my three-year-old. A tall order, I know. Especially since Jane also wants the pictures.

Farmer BoyFarmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder.

We’re working our way through the Little House books. Both kids loved Little House in the Big Woods, which we read in May and Little House on the Prairie, which we finished earlier this month. Farmer Boy is a harder sell for Jane. There aren’t as many pictures as in the earlier books, and she really likes Laura and Mary and doesn’t understand why they’re not in this book. Jack, on the other hand, loves it. He won’t say why, but I suspect it’s because it’s about a boy only a little older than he is.

SkylarkSkylark by Patricia MacLachlan.

This beautiful story is the sequel to Sarah Plain and Tall, which we read in February, and like Sarah, it has no illustrations. I wasn’t sure Jane would be able to sit through it, but we read it in two sittings, and she did just fine; she even brought it back for me to finish.

***

And here are the books I’ve read or am reading this month:

Mary Margaret
The Passion of Mary-Margaret by Lisa Samson.

The “autobiography” of a modern-day mystic, this book spans 70 years, weaving its way from present to past and back again. Given the structure of the novel and the long timeline, the story could have been a confusing mess, but Samson keeps it focused and always makes sure you know where you are in both time and place. And she draws such fascinating, compelling characters you just want to keep reading to see what happens to them. A beautiful and captivating read.

Nine Coaches Waiting
Nine Coaches Waiting by Mary Stewart.

Sort of Jane Eyre meets Rebecca, this is a slowly gathering story of suspense and romance, with delicious Gothic darkness hovering over everything.

Now that we all have ADD, I’m afraid they just don’t write them like this anymore, alas.

***

Surprised by Joy
Surprised by Joy by C.S. Lewis.

I’ve long meant to read Lewis’s autobiography, and finally got around to it. Though it has its moments of lovely language and captivating story-telling, it deals too much in generalities. The places it’s strongest are when Lewis recalls specific incidents. I realize it’s risky to take on someone as august as Lewis, but this book is definitely not his finest. I think what keeps it in print is simply Lewis’s name on the cover (she said nervously, looking over her shoulder to see if anyone was coming with a billy club…)

Till We Have FacesTill We Have Faces, also by C.S. Lewis, and in my humble opinion it’s hands down his best book. Rich, layered, and nuanced, symbol piles upon symbol in this story until it’s impossible to unravel. You simply read it and are amazed that anyone could write such a compelling story with such deeply nested and almost unsearchable symbolism. I am in awe.

Ten Reasons Why

Yesterday marked Doug’s and my tenth anniversary, so I thought I’d write a little tribute to my beloved husband. I don’t do sentimental well; public displays of affection make me uncomfortable. So this is a little snarky, but it comes from a heart full of love for this man I married.

Here, then, are the top ten reasons I love my guy:

10. He farts openly. This is very important. I grew up in a home where bodily noises were a normal part of daily life, but once I got to kindergarten I learned quickly and humiliatingly that such noises were taboo in front of other people. As I got older, I wondered often if I would ever feel as comfortable and unembarrassed with a guy (especially a guy I was dating) as I did with my family of origin. Well, I do. In fact, we are so comfortable and unembarrassed about bodily noises around here that Jane calls us the Tooter MacGruder family.

9. He loves to cook and bake. This, too, is very important because I love to eat. And I really love to eat food that someone else has prepared.

8. He’s a geek. With cool glasses. I’m not sure what it is about smart men in hip glasses that is so darn sexy, but there it is.

7. He laughs easily and often, and his laugh is contagious.

6. A corollary to #7: he thinks I’m funny. Seriously. I make him laugh on a daily basis. You have no idea how healing this is for a girl who grew up believing herself to be a little dark storm cloud.

5. He is interested in other people. I love the way he’s always bringing me stories about some guy he met who’s passionate about motorcycles or computer code or surfing or whatever. I get lots of great material and a glimpse into others’ lives because of my husband’s curiosity.

4. He is thoughtful, in all senses of the word. He anticipates others’ needs and tries to meet them. And he thinks deeply about ideas, issues, and especially his faith.

3. He believes in me. He believes in my writing and encourages me to use my voice. And he has never once made me feel bad about being a financial drain on our family. My writing “career” has cost us a fair amount of money over the years, but he believes in me and my writing enough to be willing to make that sacrifice. He even calls it an investment.

2. He is a great dad. I love watching him interact with our kids. He is patient and kind. He expects a lot from Jack and Jane, but he also gives them the tools they need to do what he expects of them.

And the number one reason I love my husband:

1. He loves me. I still think it’s little short of miraculous when the people you love love you back. And when they’ve seen you at your worst and still love you – well, that is a miracle.

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